tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-204387632012-01-26T08:16:48.651ZManhattan and Cumbria - they have so much in common the Gnome has to tell you about it...The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.comBlogger781100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-26820330598828639192007-10-17T16:07:00.000+01:002007-10-18T04:23:16.057+01:00

So, once again the Gnome is spending his working days discussing and writing about bowel disease at an international medical conference.For many physicians of course, conferences are a good excuse to get away from the family to play golf, go shopping, or sleep with attractive young pharmaceutical sales reps.Others though do actually contribute to our global scientific knowledge by publishing

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-3038328028043803332007-10-17T15:42:00.000+01:002007-10-17T16:31:53.180+01:00

Why do Americans have a thing about British dentistry? Actually the Gnome knows the answer to that and is ashamed to say he generally agrees with their logic. For to be born an Englishman may be, as Rudyard Kipling once wrote, 'to win first prize in the lottery of life' but unfortunately little of that windfall is spent on straightening teeth.Even poor old Prince Charles, who presumably has no

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-22417663345697192972007-09-17T13:31:00.000+01:002008-12-10T16:51:42.890Z

When the Gnome was a young pup entering the exciting world of the advertising for the first time, he was shown to his desk by a character straight out of Dickens. Tall, thin and with half moon glasses perched upon a beak-like nose, this ghost of copywriters past introduced himself as 'Howard MacMahon esquire' and on arrival at the Gnome's new office, promptly sneered at the computer waiting on

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-86764715408020897072007-09-10T13:21:00.000+01:002007-09-10T13:59:24.922+01:00

As part of the Gnome's freelance occupation (i.e. any job will do), he was recently the hired help arranging a meeting for a large public sector organisation. He took it, in part, for the opportunity to meet fellow non-humans - it was for the elf service - but disappointingly none turned up (although given the appearance of certain delegates he cannot be 100% certain no trolls or orcs

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-31837221982480109702007-09-10T13:15:00.000+01:002007-09-10T13:18:49.231+01:00

The Gnome was telling someone about his favourite cartoon the other day. It was by Ed McLachlan, a regular contributor to the now defunct Punch magazine, although you can still see his work (and the Gnome recommends you do) in various publications to this day.So enthusiastic was the Gnome about this cartoon, a framed print was presented to him on his birthday by his work colleagues. Now the thing

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-67439572207889221072007-09-10T11:51:00.000+01:002007-09-10T11:55:44.771+01:00

They keep coming! And the Gnome loves them... Overheard in a gym, this one was worthy of an Alan Bennett script.Two lancastrian ladies of a certain age, immaculately attired in flourescent leotards so reminiscent of the 1980s were rocking up and down on one of those abdominal exercisers when the following pearl of wisdom was produced."I haven't managed to drink a cup of tea for ages. I think it

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-91654434244874781662007-09-09T17:08:00.001+01:002007-09-09T17:16:36.538+01:00

A long time ago, deep in the Gnome's childhood, he would often hear the word 'wireless' used when what the adults should have said was 'radio'. This always amused the Gnome, listening to those old people (some of them were as old as 35 or even [God forbid] 40...) use such an outdated word.It was as though they couldn't or wouldn't admit technology had moved forward, and with it the associated

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-62378856453079828222007-09-06T12:28:00.000+01:002008-12-10T16:51:43.064Z

Amazing what you can find when Yahoo Pictures insists you move your collection to Flickr.Here is the 'please do not shove a golf club up your dog's arse' sign the Gnome told you about many months ago.Enjoy...

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-70206755340131528152007-09-06T11:24:00.000+01:002007-09-17T15:46:37.496+01:00

The smell of leather, the sound of balls being hit, and a ripple of applause from an intently watching crowd. What else could those sensations signify except that most English of summer pastimes?Mrs Gnome, looking over one's shoulder has suggested a somewhat disturbing answer, but she is incorrect. The Gnome was referring not to sadomasochistic bondage parties but cricket. Honestly... One does

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-66702591453610561462007-09-03T10:21:00.000+01:002007-09-03T10:49:52.540+01:00

Hello dear readers...Once again, the months have flown past without so much as a jot from the Gnome. He can only imagine the gnashing of teeth, soulful wailing and desperation in your lives that his absence has caused.He is not however entirely to blame for the abandonment. For some reason Blogger insisted on a change to a Google Mail account and with it all access was denied. Even the Gnome's

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-83134081698222644492007-04-02T18:07:00.000+01:002008-12-10T16:51:43.223Z

The Gnome likes weird signs. He did once take a picture of a sign for you, dear readers, which seemed to imply that it was illegal to place a golf club up a dog's backside, but alas it has been lost from the archives.At least that one had some words attached to explain its true meaning (no pooping in the street apparently...), whereas this one, spotted at a petrol station just outside Brighton,

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-63226312760246559842007-04-02T17:51:00.000+01:002008-12-10T16:51:43.683Z

Seeing as the Gnome is introducing new characters, he supposes he should present to the world the latest additions to the Gnome household – Gnome Fish 1 and Gnome Fish 2. Bought by Mrs Gnome to provide some cheer in the Gnome’s office, they became an instant hit with Gnome Cat 1, who happily spends the working day watching as they tease him with coquettish flicks of the fins.In fact, Gnome Cat 1

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-55146807670376636022007-04-02T17:50:00.001+01:002007-04-02T17:50:32.186+01:00

There is no excuse for going hungry in Philadelphia – it is a town with a reputation for excess in the eating department. What other town could come up with a signature dish as the Philly Cheesesteak – a delicious yet fattening combination of fried beef smothered in melted cheese shoved together in a 12 inch bun?Not that the Philly Cheesesteak is by any means an expensive dish – it is available

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-50522640753185557392007-04-02T17:29:00.000+01:002008-12-10T16:51:43.861Z

On the Amtrak train between Philadelphia and NYC, the Gnome was caught short. There was little alternative but to pay a visit to the train’s toilet, a journey that even in one’s own country is not exactly to be welcomed with open arms, but in another country, even one as evidently civilised as the USA, must be faced with not a little trepidation.As it happened, all was well with the general

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-39811358125308568872007-04-02T17:28:00.001+01:002007-04-02T17:29:24.979+01:00

The Gnome would love to claim this story as his own experience, but has to give credit where credit is due. Like all long-running sagas, it is important to occasionally bring in fresh characters to keep the readers interested so please be introduced to the never previously blogged character of Father-in-law Gnome and his recent experience in a Yorkshire supermarket.Perusing the vegetables (

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-74425099236393073302007-04-02T17:23:00.000+01:002008-12-10T16:51:44.008Z

Was it Mark Twain who suggested America and England were ‘two great nations separated by a common language’? This little piece of bus shelter advertising certainly seems to bear the theory out.What self-respecting UK-based copywriter would come up with the picture and slogan shown here? And what self-respecting English lady would be prepared to take on the challenge of ‘blowing off’ the less than

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-68197619432255064092007-03-12T01:49:00.000Z2008-12-10T16:51:44.306Z

Climate change may bring future catastrophes, wars may ravage the globe and Noel Edmonds may still be on TV – but these global issues are not problems that unduly concern the Gnome. It is the little irritations that matter, the ones seemingly designed to make life just a little bit more unpleasant than it needs to be.Hand dryers are one such source of such annoyment to the Gnome. It seems a fair

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-19546624656599093042007-03-12T01:34:00.000Z2007-03-12T01:46:59.971Z

The Gnome cannot be described as svelte… Nor, he hastens to add, fat. Neither would be strictly accurate. He is however willing to accept he is succumbing to a soon-to-be middle aged state of pleasantly plump.Perhaps subconsciously aiming to add to this plumpness, he wandered into a New York branch of a well known burger joint looking to get a quick fix of monosodium glutamate and caffeine.

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-89949332056590645742007-02-14T14:48:00.000Z2008-12-10T16:51:44.532Z

Once again the spectre that is St Valentine's Day is upon us, and with it the dilemma faced by all who, like the Gnome, combine a romantic nature with an unparalleled ability for forgetfullness.In other words, what can one do when faced by a spouse, eyebrow raised and rolling pin in hand, when she (or he) broaches the subject of a noticeable absence of love tokens?The Gnome cannot be alone in

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-65466582467539109592007-02-14T13:29:00.000Z2008-12-10T16:51:44.906Z

Gnome dog is keen on spreading happiness to others. No person or animal can she see without an immediate reaction of unbridled joy, coupled with the desire to bestow upon them the sort of wet, slavering kisses normally only endured by favoured nephews of elderly Great Aunts (and of this experience the Gnome can speak with some authority...)So, perhaps Gnome dog should be signed up for this little

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-90677785113239456882007-02-08T13:17:00.000Z2007-02-08T13:13:37.858Z

Not a plug you will find in the bath, but a little reciprocation to the folks over at Bobbarama's Carnival of Humor who very kindly selected one of the Gnome's pieces for inclusion in this month's edition.Do yourself a favour... wander over there and look through the other posts, but don't enjoy them too much - the Gnome doesn't want you deserting him completely!

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-5150966407931678892007-02-08T13:11:00.000Z2007-02-11T13:46:28.921Z

Writing about his brief foray into the unaccustomed role of artistic consultant started the Gnome reminiscing about his early years on the stage. The word ‘years’ may be pushing the boundaries a little, but to deftly conceal the reality of a few amateur dramatic performances as a teenager it seemed an appropriate tool.Be that as it may, he still fondly remembers the triumph of his ‘Dame Fanny

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-63431369469481892082007-02-08T12:51:00.000Z2008-12-10T16:51:45.168Z

Ah, the British Bobby on the beat – a symbol of all that is reassuring about England. Calm, cheerful and approachable – just like the faces the Gnome saw on this poster in London. Look at them – the perfect examples of modern law enforcement as our political leaders would have us see them. The distant echo of ‘Dixon of Dock Green’ lives on in their multicultural faces.Crossing the road near the

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-64426880775532394462007-02-08T09:11:00.000Z2007-02-06T15:36:29.980Z

The Gnome lives in the countryside, surrounded by acres of sheep pasture and gentle meadows. It is an area with a long history. Next door to the Gnome’s abode is an Elizabethan farmhouse, protected by government decree from modern development for its intricately carved wood panels.It is strange to think at a time when Shakespeare was chewing his pencil thinking up ways to make Hamlet descend even

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-58628431483918074922007-02-06T15:14:00.000Z2008-12-10T16:51:45.646Z

It may be a cliché of countryside living, but clichés only become so by dint of accuracy. So it was that the Gnome was leaning on a five barred gate chatting to a local farmer. Alas the image you now have is slightly incomplete in that he was not chewing languidly on an ear of corn, nor wearing a tweed jacket with leather patches at the elbows. But still, as an image of rural idyll, it would be

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-28984910209241093672007-02-01T14:23:00.000Z2008-12-10T16:51:46.282Z

The Gnome was flicking through ‘The Scotsman’ on the train home last night and read about a recent poll of the World’s 100 Sexiest Men. Not a topic he is particularly drawn to, but naturally he felt obliged to check his ranking in the grand scheme of things. After a thorough examination he can only presume his position remains unchanged at number 101.Two things struck him though, the first being

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-20671147305060173682007-01-29T15:18:00.000Z2008-12-10T16:51:46.501Z

The Gnome’s experience of the performing arts is limited to trips to the RSC and the occasional visit to the ballet. The latter is entirely at the behest of Mrs Gnome, and is a visit to be endured rather than enjoyed. He finds ballet dancers distract him from listening to the band – particularly as the sound of all those feet thumping across the stage recalls the wildebeest migration across the

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-1169673314849245962007-01-24T21:04:00.000Z2007-01-27T18:04:48.366Z

Here at Gnome Towers there is a realisation you do not wish to miss a single one of the Gnome's thoughts. What is more you want those thoughts available to you as soon as humanly (or gnomely) possible.It is an understandable need, but has been impossible to fulfil... Until now.The Gnome has arranged for a small box to be added to his blog into which you can place your e-mail address (also name

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-1169662844814363502007-01-24T18:19:00.000Z2007-01-24T18:20:44.816Z

The Gnome recently discussed a TV programme on Tourette’s syndrome. In it the main character, a burly Scotsman, was seen interacting with passers by in that peculiar way of Tourette’s sufferers, namely pointing out their inadequacies in a stream of foul mouthed abuse or, most amusingly, shouting “I have a bomb” at wary security offices patrolling potential terrorist targets.One might suggest this

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-1169662379005859632007-01-24T17:39:00.000Z2007-01-24T18:15:26.530Z

It is a well recognised fact that as life progresses one turns into one’s father. There is a moment when every man sees the face of his father in the shaving mirror, where he realises the comfort of slippers outweighs their lack of fashionability and the sudden articulation around the dinner table that reimposition of National Service might not be such a bad idea after all.Conveniently, the

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-1169577753859140452007-01-23T18:37:00.000Z2007-01-24T16:43:07.370Z

The Gnome can’t seem to help himself when in lifts – they seem to be a veritable hotbed of interesting conversations. Today, in the lift of a large council building he heard the following alarming news… “The bollard situation has now become critical – there are some people in this council who are working against us.”A critical bollard situation? What could that be? Too many? Too few? The wrong

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-1168957551604502602007-01-16T12:25:00.000Z2007-02-06T15:36:30.033Z

White transit vans are hostages to fate. They are destined to be driven with no concern for other road users, by someone with more tattoos than a sailor after a particularly alcohol-fuelled shore leave, and to spend their lives covered in a thin layer of dust, dirt and general traffic-emission soot.Something about this patina of grime attracts people of a certain sensibility to use it as a canvas

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-1168946198241421462007-01-16T08:59:00.000Z2007-01-24T16:45:00.453Z

You'll be glad to know the Gnome is feeling better after his Christmas medical escapades. It may well have been the ward visit from Santa Claus that did it, or perhaps the scintillating conversation from one of his bed neighbours on the unfortunate effect Christmas cake had on his bowel movements, but either way parole was granted within the week.Once in the system though, they are loathe to let

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-1168853741379120392007-01-15T08:53:00.000Z2007-01-16T11:22:18.533Z

A wonderful documentary on the TV the other night about a group of teenage Tourette's sufferers on a trip to Paris to visit the hospital where their illness was first identified and categorised.Tourette's sufferers are of course well known for their verbal tics and unfortunate habit of shouting out swear words, but by far the funniest moment for the Gnome came not from the barrage of 'fucks' and

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-1168191971663313642007-01-07T17:32:00.000Z2007-01-07T17:46:11.683Z

Seeing as the Gnome teased you all with the mysterious addition of 'Part I' after his recent Alan Bennett post, he felt it appropriate to actually get round to writing up 'Part II'.Whilst wandering in the vicinity of Leicester Square many years ago (so many years ago in fact that Mrs Gnome was still Miss Pixie) the Gnome was crossing a small road when he was disturbed from his neglectful reverie

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-1167742523932872552007-01-02T12:29:00.000Z2007-01-02T12:55:24.136Z

The Gnome spent Christmas in hospital. Don't feel too sorry - although not self inflicted it was just one of those things. An unfortunate ingestion of viral particles from some unseen and forgotten source having a rather unfortunate effect on the liver. The Gnome has discovered nothing quite dampens a party spirit like the projectile vomiting of bile...Lying on a gurney on Cristmas Eve in the

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-1167740750750957882007-01-02T12:16:00.000Z2007-01-24T18:23:33.120Z

It is exactly a year since the Gnome took to the Blogosphere as part of an attempted New Year's Resolution. With an unfortunate, but understandable, hiatus during his move from the US to the UK, he is feeling relatively pleased with his commitment to the genre. Last year a total of 46 posts ranging from wet snow to homeless lunatics were committed to the ether and (since June anyway) read by 337

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-1166299080165626082006-12-16T19:54:00.000Z2006-12-16T20:04:50.603Z

The Gnome has a habit of reading several books at once. This is not an attempt to portray himself as an intellectual, merely a function of a chaotic life. He may for instance find himself about to embark on a transatlantic flight and decide the remaining chapters of his current read insufficient to cover the journey. In the bookshop he may read an opening chapter so compelling the book must be

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-1165949488947485182006-12-12T18:45:00.000Z2007-01-17T08:11:42.960Z

The previous post mentioned the subversive pleasure the Gnome gets out of overhearing the conversations of others, and writing it reminded him of his favourite example of the genre.Walking through an airport he caught this snippet of conversation uttered by a young woman to her companion in a voice that can only be described as conspiratorial. Such was it's impact on the Gnome's psyche, he almost

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-1165948919129590722006-12-12T18:34:00.000Z2006-12-12T18:44:40.456Z

A conversation overheard is always a source of pleasure to the Gnome. It creates a sense of impropriety, an illicit encounter with the minutiae of other peoples' lives, a secret glimpse into the world of another human being.Such was the case last week whilst in a lift, the insides of which were mirrored to give the illusion of space. Two men entered the already crowded lift on the journey down to

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-1165497714006690652006-12-07T13:00:00.000Z2007-01-09T01:34:07.566Z

The Gnome is in Bristol at the moment, working hard in a city centre hotel where next door to his meeting the BBC are encamped. Although the exact schedule of events inside the room naturally remain unknown to the Gnome, it appears to be something to do with the long running medical soap opera that is 'Casualty'.Well, the Gnome presumes this is the case, unless there is a new, as yet unbroadcast

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-1165328633818600032006-12-05T14:23:00.000Z2006-12-05T14:23:53.836Z

The Gnome has been remiss. He understands the anguish that must have been felt by his readers. Where has the Gnome been? Has he finally succumbed to a life of fishing by a garden pond, his red cap sat at a jaunty angle upon his head? Alas no, nothing quite so relaxing (not that fishing is relaxing – especially if you are a fish).The Gnome has left the bright lights of Manhattan island for

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-1150537359585513972006-06-17T10:26:00.000+01:002007-03-19T17:36:10.725Z

Another sensless killing, another avoidable accident, another life recently curtailed...They happen all the time, and the more newsworthy of them hit the headlines. Now the Gnome is of course not one to to be unmoved by the suffering of others but is he the only one to notice these events only seem to happen to the brightest, most loving, socially aware amongst us?For every time a life is lost in

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-1148362192003917652006-05-23T06:21:00.000+01:002007-01-29T17:55:17.707Z

The Gnome is currently in Los Angeles attending a medical conference on gastroenterology, charmingly entitled 'Digestive Disease Week'. Oh how he bets you all wish you could be here with him enjoying such a glamorous existence...In recompense for his failure to invite you along to discuss clinical trials where participants mail their morning stool samples to doctors and the global economic cost

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-1148361673910826452006-05-23T06:04:00.000+01:002006-06-08T08:21:26.686+01:00

For some reason best not examined too closely, the Gnome has, languishing in the deep uncharted depths of his iPod, a song by an eighties one hit wonders Matt Bianco.Seeing their name spring up at him from the backlit screen this evening he was reminded of a wonderful incident from his childhood when, one fine Saturday morning long before the advent of 5-second delays on telephone calls to live

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-1148219499952858802006-05-21T14:45:00.000+01:002006-05-21T14:51:39.953+01:00

The Gnome is impressed. Less than 24 hours after his concern about a lack of Argentinian and antipodean readers was published, small (but significant) dots have appeared within Argentina and Tasmania.G'day and/or buenos tardes to you both.

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-1148185320848065502006-05-21T05:03:00.000+01:002006-06-08T06:06:48.993+01:00

Perhaps if you are one of the 104 brave souls to have ventured onto this blog you will have noticed a world map to the right of the screen. A simple, yet to the Gnome fascinating, pictoral representation of the locations his musings have been accessed from.One might not be surprised given his country of birth and current residence to see the large (well okay, not large per se, but larger than

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-1148182917081642392006-05-21T03:52:00.000+01:002006-05-21T04:59:44.430+01:00

The Gnome finds himself in Los Angeles. Not in the true southern Californian sense of spiritual enlightenment, but the rather more mundane definition of happening to be there.Taking a taxi from the airport he found himself with a driver as locquatious as a former Trappist monk making up for lost time. A rare event, for unlike London where cabbies are renowned for a constant stream of pessimistic

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-1147621551384344652006-05-14T16:12:00.000+01:002006-05-21T05:25:06.446+01:00

The Gnome supposes it is inevitable he will have to write about American sports eventually, so feels it is as well to get it over with now.What are they all about?No, really- somebody explain it. How does the world's only superpower end up with a monopoly on the world's most boring sports? Sports that virtually nobody else plays, or has any interest in?American FootballA game resembling rugby

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-1145291595457578182006-04-17T17:30:00.000+01:002006-04-17T17:33:15.456+01:00

And whilst the Gnome is on the subject of Manhattan shops, why is it not possible to buy wine and beer in the same shop?Beer, but not wine or spirits, is sold in supermarkets. Wine and spirits, but not beer, is sold in liquor stores...Is this some health conscious attempt to help Manhattanites avoid the disaterous consequences of mixing the grape and the grain?

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-1145291436209158562006-04-17T17:26:00.000+01:002006-04-17T17:30:36.266+01:00

Can anyone explain this to the Gnome?When going to a supermarket, deli or indeed any form of food shop in New York, your purchases are placed inside a plastic bag, which in turn is then placed inside another plastic bag...Would it not be more sensible, and indeed cost effective, just to make the individual carrier bags strong enough to withstand the rigours of carrying more than one soup can at a

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-1145286152732126262006-04-17T15:40:00.000+01:002006-04-17T16:10:21.443+01:00

There is a delicatessen near to the Gnome office that is somewhat of a celebrity location. The 'Hello Deli' is located next door to a TV studio, where it attracts in-the-know tourists in droves. They come to have their photograph taken outside this televisual landmark for the Gnome understands a regular late night chat show often films a skit with its guests there. Cameras are certainly often

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-1145281034785584232006-04-17T13:35:00.000+01:002006-04-17T14:41:15.976+01:00

Like the Gnome, you have probably been following a recent human, or rather feline, interest story closely. It has been front page news in New York, regular updates provided on television, and even the BBC picked up the story. It is of course Molly the cat and her fortnight stay within the walls of a Manhattan delicatessen.The Gnome is delighted of course that Molly is safe and sound, but wonders

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-1145047124638812632006-04-14T21:05:00.000+01:002006-04-16T16:18:06.226+01:00

Sad though it is, there are many homeless people on the streets of Manhattan. Living in the same neighbourhood for any time means one soon gets to know them, or rather recognise them, for the Gnome doubts anyone in this busy metropolis takes the time to ask their stories.Most are quiet, lost in a world no-one who does not share their experiences can truly understand. Perhaps as in Neil Gaiman's

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-1144779347741072172006-04-11T18:53:00.000+01:002006-04-11T19:19:33.796+01:00

The Gnome has always considered the Mars bar a solid, reliable confectionary item. It's long-term advertising slogan of 'a Mars a day helps you work, rest and play' summed it all up nicely. It was reliable. Proud. Traditional. And, most importantly, suitably stodgy. Nobody ever finished a Mars bar and felt they could eat another until such time as they had completed another round of working,

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-1144690911394120732006-04-10T18:24:00.000+01:002006-04-10T20:44:13.023+01:00

The Gnome would like to wish a belated farewell to one of his favourite authors. Since his father introduced him over 20 years ago to the world of Ed McBain and his hard working detectives of the 87th Precinct, the Gnome has looked forward to each and every new chapter in their lives. Evan Hunter - Ed McBain was one of many pseudonyms - was amazingly prolific. One 87th Precinct book a year for

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-1144686015716050612006-04-10T16:34:00.000+01:002006-04-10T18:09:32.916+01:00

Manhattan is chock full of actors. Some are international superstars, slumming it in off-Broadway productions to convince their peers that their desire for artistic recognition has in no way been dimmed by their multimillion dollar paycheck earned for a leading role in 'Saving Private Jaws from the Lord of the Rings VII'. Some are honest journeymen and women, earning a crust twice a day in the

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-1144681923826235322006-04-10T15:56:00.000+01:002006-04-14T13:36:18.786+01:00

As one would expect from an address which includes the word 'Broadway', the Gnome's office sits adjacent to a theatre. A theatre currently performing 'The Color Purple', the worthy and Oprah Winfrey-approved musical version of the book by Alice Walker. On its gala opening night the Gnome could, by peering out of his fifth floor office window, see the stars slowly make their way up the red carpet,

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-1144442202069706142006-04-07T21:00:00.000+01:002006-04-10T21:44:11.896+01:00

The Gnome is a patient man. It's a genetic thing, for his father was noted for patience too and so apparently was his father's father (somewhat confounding the usual stereotype of red haired Irishmen).Further down the bloodline, Gnomic archers at the Battle of Agincourt who, when told to stay their arrows until the French knights got really close, shrugged contentedly and said 'fine by me'.Indeed

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-1139328607183831002006-02-07T15:26:00.000Z2006-04-08T06:56:17.363+01:00

It is not often the Gnome's classical education is called on in an everday situation, but just occasionally it turns out to have been a useful investment by his parents. Although long dimmed by the passing of time, he does have a smattering of Latin, learnt at the hands of the ever-so strict Mr Charles, whose response to any hesitation to provide an appropriate conjugation of a verb such as

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-1139004963803230332006-02-03T21:57:00.000Z2006-02-07T16:24:22.476Z

The Gnome has no wish to get involved in the controversy over the cartoon images of the Mohammed, but does wonder just how so many people across the Muslim world are getting hold of Danish flags to burn?Where are they coming from? Surely producing Danish flags is a rather specialist area, particularly when it comes to producing them for an angry populace to set ablaze. He supposes there may be an

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-1138826038285688872006-02-01T19:38:00.001Z2006-04-14T13:38:01.586+01:00

Have you ever had one of those bizarre moments when on talking to someone you realise they could hold the answer to one of your most confounding questions?The Gnome recently attended a meeting where, being the gregarious person he is, he started talking to another participant. Having assuaged his human desire for knowing names, job titles and reasons for attendance (just two souls adrift in a

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-1138821763074987102006-02-01T18:53:00.000Z2006-02-01T19:31:25.003Z

Could anyone here name the 'Embroidery Capital of the World'? The Gnome doubts it, so feels he should put you out of your misery. It is in fact Union City, New Jersey. A road sign on leaving Manhattan via the Lincoln Tunnel proclaims it so.Apparently, Union City has been the 'Embroidery Capital of the World' since 1872, leading the Gnome to ponder from whom they took the title in that fateful

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-1137450983882568732006-01-16T21:47:00.000Z2006-01-16T22:45:39.866Z

One of the unheralded pleasures of the Gnome's working life is to sow seeds of doubt about his sanity to his American colleagues. He has found one of the most productive ways to do so is to use peculiarly English words and phrases in his everyday speech.For example this afternoon he bid farewell to one such colleague with a cheery 'toodle pip', leaving said colleague unsure whether to consider

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-1137165991645173062006-01-13T15:09:00.000Z2008-12-10T16:51:47.115Z

Looking to dine out last night, the Gnome discovered a restaurant that appealed to his miserly sense of value. Displaying a large sign offering 2 cocktails for the price of 1, he ushered Mrs Gnome in, sat her down and, with a seemingly disdainful disregard for personal finance, insisted she join him in an aperatif. Unused to such surprising largesse, she agreed and an order for two Cosmopoiltan's

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-1137014038757662452006-01-11T21:09:00.000Z2006-01-11T21:15:00.540Z

The Gnome watched 'March of the Penguins' last night. Excellent documentary though it was, he couldn't help but be slightly disturbed by the mating scenes. Filmed in extreme close up with romantic soul music, the scene ended with the long drawn out gutteral squawk of a (presumably) ejaculating penguin in the throes of ecstacy.Could this be the first film in a new genre of 'Pingu Porn'?

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-1136918162334787462006-01-10T18:17:00.000Z2006-04-14T13:38:28.366+01:00

There is a rather posh looking hotel near the Gnome's abode called the Milford Plaza. Tall, imposing and with besuited doormen fighting each other to carry your bags inside, it has a huge neon sign on top of the building to advertise itself.As these lights must be at least two stories high, the expense of illuminating the whole name was presumably too prohibitive, so it is limited to 'M Hotel'.

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-1136825111987688952006-01-09T16:38:00.001Z2006-01-09T16:45:18.776Z

The Gnome wonders why Christmas songs, which leading up to the holiday are so annoying and unwelcome, suddenly stick in your brain in January and refuse to budge?He has been merrily humming 'Walking in a Winter Wonderland' and 'Santa Baby' at all hours of the day and night, leading Mrs Gnome to comment he is, as always, lagging behind when it comes to trends in popular culture.

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-1136562064826748882006-01-06T14:48:00.000Z2006-04-07T03:18:54.416+01:00

The Gnome has read many of the stories swirling around the electronic ether about so called 'help desks' and their unwavering ability to make the most simple of problems worse.He has always felt uneasy about immediately jumping to the obvious conclusion that all help desks were staffed by a plague of imbeciles but may have to revise his opinions after a recent incident.He returned to work to a

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-1136496139331095862006-01-05T20:58:00.000Z2006-01-05T21:30:18.026Z

The Gnome's English birth, upbringing and education is often called upon by the American members of his team to aid them in translating some peculiarly English phrase or saying into American, but a recent request as to the meaning of 'a schnugg' had him puzzled.Having recently seen the excellent 'Puttnam County Spelling Bee' play on Broadway, he knew it would be helpful to have the word placed in

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-1136473429524706222006-01-05T14:00:00.000Z2006-01-05T15:17:35.733Z

The Gnome's apartment overlooks an office block where workers are still visible through the windows when he returns in the evening. He is unsure whether this means they are harder working and more successful than him, or are sad, lonely individuals who have no reason to go home, but either way he cannot help but study them - the human equivalent of the ant farms advertised in comics during his

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-1136405980499848522006-01-04T20:12:00.000Z2006-03-14T08:01:40.436Z

A colleague said she had a watercooler conversation about the TV show 'Lost' this morning.The Gnome went in for a glass of water later and mentioned how achingly beautiful Evangeline Lilly is, but it didn't respond. Perhaps it's shy around new people.

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-1136395458781516372006-01-04T17:13:00.000Z2006-01-05T21:29:08.900Z

On one of the Gnome's regular strolls around his Manhattan neighbourhood he came across a doorway proclaiming to lead into the Hermetic Society.Although not having the slightest idea of what the society is or what it contributes to the world at large, he can't help wondering whether their seal of office is considered airtight...

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-1136386746546114492006-01-04T13:57:00.000Z2006-01-04T15:02:17.183Z

The Gnome thought that BBC America would be a lifeline of British TV whilst here in Manhattan. A way to keep up to date with the innovative programme development for which British TV is rightly famous.Instead there seems to be a constant diet of all those programmes that act as schedule filler - cheap to make, presented by non-entities and of no real artistic value. So enamoured are BBC America

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-1136325153402768532006-01-03T21:12:00.000Z2006-01-03T21:58:06.256Z

The Gnome loves Manhattan for many reasons, one of which is the 24 hour culture. Although he cannot remember a time when he's actually done so, the ability to purchase a television, get his shirts ironed or visit a chiropracter in the early hours of the morning is something that, like opera, is nice to know is there should he need it.The opportunity offered to visit a psychic ('palmistry, tarot

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-1136317263576008452006-01-03T19:36:00.000Z2006-01-04T13:47:09.793Z

It fluttered with snow today, the first time this year. Just a few wet flakes, but no doubt the harbinger of more severe and prolonged falls later this month.One of the Gnome's employees looked out of his window and commented that the larger the snowflake, the less likely it is to snow for long.Is this true he wonders? His interest now piqued - a throwback to his training as a scientist no doubt

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-1136309131365777012006-01-03T17:19:00.000Z2006-01-03T19:25:09.916Z

The Gnome wanted to do the Times Square thing for New Year as it is unlikely he'll be around next year. Unfortunately, he was put off by inclement weather, unlike 750 000 other people who stood in the cold rain for up to 5 hours for the dubious pleasure of watching a luminescent ball drop 20 feet.The Gnome's newsagent summed it up nicely. "Stand out in this cold and ya need to go to the bathroom

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20438763.post-1136223078573140002006-01-02T17:30:00.000Z2006-04-10T17:26:02.256+01:00

The Gnome is not one for New Year's Resolutions generally. It only depresses him when, one by one, they fall by the wayside and spend the rest of the year looking at him reproachfully.Starting a blog though felt more like a pleasure than a chore. So much easier than losing weight, stopping smoking, or any other number of failures waiting to happen. But what to cover? Would anyone really care

The Gnomehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01064703777375341974noreply@blogger.com1