Friday, April 7

The Virtue of Patience

The Gnome is a patient man. It's a genetic thing, for his father was noted for patience too and so apparently was his father's father (somewhat confounding the usual stereotype of red haired Irishmen).

Further down the bloodline, Gnomic archers at the Battle of Agincourt who, when told to stay their arrows until the French knights got really close, shrugged contentedly and said 'fine by me'.

Indeed, any Gnomes who found themselves in Cardigan's Light Brigade, would no doubt have felt very disturbed at all that charging towards the Russian guns malarky, when history suggests their preferred strategy of waiting patiently for reinforcements was probably a more sensible option in the circumstances.

So, just to sum up, patience is a Gnome thing. We pause. We consider. We wait.

Maybe it is because of this patient attitude to life that the Gnome finds himself fuming at the average American office worker in a lift. Now his understanding of lifts is that by pushing the button representing the chosen floor once, and confirming it has illuminated appropriately, suggests all is well and in good time the doors will close and whisk him to his desired location.

So why do so many insist on stabbing the button repeatedly? It won't make the lift move any faster. Double-clicking does not override the wishes of all those people who have asked to get off at floors below yours. All it does is make their finger hurt and the Gnome's blood boil.

The Gnome does however reserve his highest levels of contempt for those who feel their work is so important that the extra two seconds they gain in the office by holding down the 'close door' button is worth the anguish caused to some unsuspecting co-worker who finds the doors closing in their face.

For them, there can be only one punishment... The Gnome rests casually against the panel and surreptitiously pushes all buttons below their chosen floor. The pleasures obtained by watching them grow ever more annoyed as, at each floor, the doors open to reveal an empty corridor is one that only a truly patient man can enjoy.

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