Once again the spectre that is St Valentine's Day is upon us, and with it the dilemma faced by all who, like the Gnome, combine a romantic nature with an unparalleled ability for forgetfullness.
In other words, what can one do when faced by a spouse, eyebrow raised and rolling pin in hand, when she (or he) broaches the subject of a noticeable absence of love tokens?
The Gnome cannot be alone in facing this thorny problem, and therefore feels obliged to pass on a little of his hard-earned Gnome wisdom...
This morning every newspaper will carry at least two pages of extremely small font messages declaring love of all kinds. Unless you are unlucky enough to be the paramour of someone whose initials would score more than 18 points at scrabble, the chances are you will find a suitable message that can be co-opted to your advantage.
Admittedly you may have to face the ignominy of a signature line suggesting you felt 'Fluffy Nuts' or 'Chubby Wubby' an appropriate sobriquet when making a public declaration of your love, but surely that is a price worth paying for domestic harmony on this day of all days?